The World Race chapter of my life is about to end. It’s about time to start a new one. What that chapter is called or what it’s even about, I have no idea. Does that worry me? Eh.
I’ve always had a plan. Graduate high school, go to college, get a job, have a family, etc. Well, the first two happened as planned. Then Christ came in the picture. Ouch, it hurts to even type that, “Christ came in the picture.” It sounds like an inconvenience. That’s how the planning, worldly side of me feels about it. Jesus got in the way of the plan.
Of course, I don’t actually feel that way. Christ got rid of the plan that was leading towards a dishonest, unrighteous path that was centered on personal gain and false hopes. Christ is now leading me on a righteous, life-filled path centered entirely on him and the hope that comes through faith in him.
Even with this new understanding, my brain can’t help but go back to old tricks. It wants a plan. It craves for direction. It can’t take not knowing what’s next. This causes dissonance inside me. No lie, I planned out my life until about age 30 the other day. I fell into the temptation of self-reliance. I tried to justify my plan by saying that it was centered on ministry. That might be true, but is God actually in it? Did I even consult him?
“We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer.” Proverbs 16:1
My brain hates that verse.
“We can make our own plans, but the Lord determines the steps.” Proverbs 16:9
That one too.
“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” Proverbs 19:21
Definitely that one.
“The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?” Proverbs 20:24
Dang! My brain practically shuts down and quits after reading that one.
I'm not saying that having a plan is bad. I think it's good to write down what your heart desires. But with the Lord determining the steps, seek from him about each and every aspect of your desires. God will give you the right answer. Notice I didn't say the answer you want, but the right answer. He knows what's up. Let Him be in control.
To be honest, I’m tired of people telling me that they aren’t ready to be a Christian or that maybe when they get older they’ll change their ways. It’s frustrating! I’m here offering you the answer to everlasting life and you don’t take it! You say, “Wow can that really happen.” I joyfully respond, “YES, yes it can. That’s how much Christ loves you!” Then you just say, “Well maybe one day.” Then, I tell you that you don’t know what tomorrow brings. There is no time to wait! Still, you smile, shake my hand and walk away.
Doubt starts to set in:
Did I say the right thing?
What could have I done better?
The Gospel is perfect. I must be the one messing it up.
Sharing the Gospel is exhausting not only physically, but mentally and spiritually. It’s hard watching people walk away after hearing the truth. It hurts my heart.
But…you can’t dwell on it. You just have to pray and move on. There are 7 billion people on this earth. Most of them don’t know who Christ is. Most of them are hungry, not just for food, but for purpose and worth. I refuse to stop trying. I refuse to stop speaking the truth. I refuse to let fear and doubt control me.
I am a messenger of the Good News. I will continue to share the truth until I leave this Earth. Doneskis.
I’ve had a struggle with worship for a while. Who am I in worship? What does that even mean? What should I be doing in worship?
While in Malaysia, my team was doing some worship for our team time. About 30 minutes in I got this overwhelming urge to lie on the floor. I felt something inside me wanting to come out. That’s when I just started groaning. I can’t really explain why, but it felt right. As weird as I felt, I just kept going with it. Ever since then, I’ve been groaning in worship.
I don’t understand it. My only explanation is that my soul or spirit or whatever has something to say that my brain can’t formulate into words. It’s like a direct connection of my spirit with the Father. It’s like it’s a party my mind isn’t invited too. I like that. I like that a whole lot ha.
Let your spirit speak. It doesn’t matter if that’s through groaning or tongues or whatever. Give your mouth a rest and let the spirit do the talking.
This month we’re working with a ministry called CCX in Odessa, Ukraine. Our main focus is to share and minister to college students at the various universities in Odessa. There’s a large international student community here due to low tuition rates.
CCX hosts English clubs and Russian clubs in order to reach out to the international students. Also, they host various social events to outreach to local students as well. I’m excited for this ministry because in college I did much of the same thing. It’s nice to be in a familiar situation.
Odessa is a beautiful city full of history and culture. It’s a port city on the Black Sea so the population is very diverse. The arts are very big here. The other night a couple of us went see a choral performance of Carmina Burana. Odessa is also home to one of the best opera/ballet theatres in Europe. The best part is that tickets are under $5.
Our contact Sveita reminds me a lot of my college pastor back home. She’s an awesome woman who truly loves the students here in Odessa. She’s spontaneous with our events and loves to experience new cultures. Each day brings something different. Just yesterday I spoke at a conference on youth issues, participated in Russian club, went salsa dancing and then had a nice dinner at home with the team.
Ministry is exhausting. I never thought sitting down talking to people would make me more tired than working in the fields. Our ministry here in China is to make relationships with college students and present them with the Gospel. Sounds easy enough, but this month has been challenging for me. For one, it sucks being rejected. Two, most of the guys here just want to make friends. The biggest challenge is that I realised that I act like a different person when I present the Gospel to people. I put on this businessman front. I put a smile on and even talk different. Basically, I’m selling Jesus.
All my energy goes into this show. I don’t know when I started doing this or why. I just know that I’m not myself when I put my “Gospel face” on. It’s frustrating. My intentions aren’t to sell Jesus. I don’t need to make following him any more appealing. He’s awesome as he is!
I think one of the issues is that we don’t have that much time here. We have less than a month. Some of these guys I’ll only see once or twice. I can’t waste my time just making friends with them. I’ve been given the privilege and authority to present them with the Gospel. That’s what I need to do. So with that in mind, I focus way more on the task at hand than the actual person. The burden for expanding the kingdom overshadows actually loving these guys. That’s not the way to make disciples.
Good think I have Carl on my team to call me out on this. He’s a good one. I’m going to take this last three months and more forward. I’m seeking the right balance in discipleship. I know it’ll come with time.
Here's our train ride from Guangzhou to Harbin China. The train was packed, filled with smoke and took 38 hours. Good thing we have the joy of the Lord. WATCH THE VID! Much love.
GEAUX!
